7 Reasons for a Woman to Hire a Coach of Her OwnAugust 5, 2018
The coaching profession today is exploding…. Some coaches are certified and some aren’t. Some specialize in a specific area of life, i.e. business, relationships, money, spirituality, and some just take a general overview of your whole life. There have been articles; television shows that talk of life make-overs; Oprah has her own stable of coaches (some of whom appear on the cover the National Inquirer!) How can you find out more about what’s possible with a coach and why it might be important to you living your best life?
This article will answer that question with many compelling reasons to begin a coaching relationship. But first, let’s look at the 7 pitfalls that people (women specifically) can fall into trying to make it in today’s world. As you read them, take each of them to heart–enter into the feelings and thoughts that accompany each one—try it on and see what you notice arising in you.
- The Masculine Model
This is the One of the Boys perspective. Things get delegated from the top down with no collaboration, just supporting the status quo. We’ve all experienced it. In order to get credibility or respect we will follow the rules and subjugate our authentic selves to fit in. Wanting to be in the ‘club’ is natural, but wearing a mask has a cost–our individuality and uniqueness.
- The Martyr
Are you a Superwoman? Do you do it all, impressing everyone with your super competency, becoming indispensable? Well the end result I’ve seen from being this way is becoming a Martyr. Overworking yourself, because only you can do it perfectly, only leads to exhaustion and a feeling of resentment towards others, who never appreciate you enough. Righteousness with lots of judging others will drain your body and soul, making you dependent on the recognition from outside yourself.
- The Victim
Do you feel like you have no voice? No power? That you’ve tried over and over but nothing ever changes, so you give up all your sense of choice? You have no recourse, nothing will ever turn out for you, everyone is against you and you just shut down to get by. By not taking any responsibility–it’s always someone else’s fault–you remain innocent but the price is helplessness. Hard to create any dreams from here.
- Someday My Prince will Come
Many women have been taught that they will be rescued, so why take on anything themselves? Someone else has their answers and will sweep into their lives (one day) and take care of things–there’s no need to take action. My ‘real’ life will begin when I meet the right partner; take the right workshop; find the right job. In this scenario you become seduced by a myth that the answers aren’t within you. It can seem like an easy road, a free ride. Unfortunately you stay stuck as you wait…and wait….and wait.
- Sugar and Spice
Be the good girl. Do what your mother always did. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t create confrontation. Make sure everyone else is comfortable. Always bring sugar–which means ‘don’t be your real self’! We are all humans and have upsets, but the good girl can never share hers. This is a lonely perspective, where you will never be truly known. Perhaps it will seem like there is peace, but it is only a façade. It surprises many how these ‘gremlin’ voices can be disguised as sweet Pollyannas!
- GO GO GO Velocity Jane!
Never stop moving! Always be busy because your value lies fully in what you produce. Talk fast, multi-task, as Nike says: Just do it. Live in the myth that you are controlling time. The problem here is that you never can rest or listen to your own inner voice. How could you ever hear it when you’re agitated, restless and distracted? When you’re disconnected from your authentic heart, how real is your life?
- Burned Out
This is the result of not making changes when you know they’re called for. Giving beyond what is reasonable as a human being, you lose your vitality, your spark and your clarity for what matters. Did you have a vision or a dream? Is it lost? That feeling of fatigue in your bones won’t go away and neither will the emptiness in your heart. Emotionally, you run the gamut from numb to being triggered by everything–tears or rage can erupt at any moment. When the price is this high, it’s clearly time to seek new strategies for living your best life!
Want to leave these unworkable strategies for life behind? Ready to create your fulfilling life? Let’s take a look at this thing called Coaching and the ways it can empower you to living your True Life. While you, as the client, are always in charge of your agenda and focus, your coach can assist you in becoming the Sovereign of your world.
Without conscious awareness of who you are, what you value and what are the hidden jewels of your heart, it’s very difficult to create your most meaningful life. The big job of coaching is all about fulfillment–what will bring you alive the most; finding authentic self-expression, joy and balance.
Here are some of the compelling reasons to hire a coach and create a powerful alliance to deepen your experience of life and move forward to living your dreams.
- Creating Clarity
Life is certainly rich and we have, in our time, millions of opportunities and choices to make. But if you’re not clear on which ones are truly aligned with who you are, chances are they won’t bring you the satisfaction you want. Coaching is all about clarifying—your innate values, your vision, your goals. When you do this you discover not just what you want, but what you don’t want. Many people live their lives tolerating so much of what they have already. When you let go of these things and create a solid foundation, life becomes more rich and satisfying–you experience a lot more harmony when your choices line up with who you are.
- Living in Abundance, Dismissing Scarcity
With all the popularity of The Secret, many people are now talking about the Law of Attraction. Coaching steps in deeper by examining your beliefs and helping you upgrade your beliefs to ones that support who you are and what kind of reality you want to live in. This includes designing new perspectives of abundance and choice, rather than letting scarcity thinking–there’s never enough, I’m never enough–guide you. Questioning beliefs that you may have lived with for quite a long time can help you find your own truth. Turning around old thinking that isn’t necessarily true gives you more freedom to live as your real self today. Coaching offers these tools and the steady support to use them.
- Learning+Action=Results and a Bigger Consciousness
To be a great coaching client and get great results, you need to be curious. Curiosity is the foundation of learning. Coaching is all about learning who you are and acting on that knowledge. Embracing the perspective of a Learner is a challenge in a world that always expects us to have the answers. But it’s the learners that will bring the flexibility, curiosity and awareness to the world–their self-esteem isn’t predicated on what they know or on being right; it’s all about being successful. When we learn and expand our world, we can then take action in line with that learning–creating authenticity and continued discovery to help us move forward. Bigger awareness leads to better results. And in that awareness lays the path to bringing our true contribution to the world.
- Accountability–Your Integrity
Have you ever told yourself you’d do something and didn’t? We all do. The power of the coaching alliance is that when you give your word to your coach–something different happens. Since your coach holds you as always resourceful, creative and whole, she knows you can do what you say, if you’re ready. There’s a ‘being held’ in a way like no other. And as we learn to keep our commitments to our coach, we develop more self-trust that leads us keeping them to ourselves. There is a power to the coaching relationship that happens outside of regular time and in Kairos, or sacred time. It is here that we can see ourselves so clearly and what’s possible that we take action we might never have imagined on our own.
- To Become a Human ‘Being’, not just a Human Doing
Many people go through life thinking that they must do the job, to have the stuff to be who they really are. In fact this theorem goes just the opposite way. You be who you truly are, to have the self-esteem, confidence and clarity to do what feels meaningful and on purpose. Coaching helps you step into the space of Being–where you can really know who you are and fall in love with yourself and life–a feeling a lot of us had in childhood. To experience states of being is to be in the present moment. To know love and peace and creativity–all of these are in the Now. If we let ourselves be run by Velocity Jane, life flies by in a blur and we miss the best moments of all.
- Learning to Embrace Change and Growth
Have you noticed that Life is a Mystery? That you can’t control everything and push the river to make it go where you want? Today, more than ever, we must learn to let go and embrace change. Staying in a contracted State only solidifies resistance, and as someone said, ‘Resistance is futile.’ In coaching we take a stand that change is here for our highest good and the good of all we touch. Instead of resisting, we surrender to wisdom beyond our own. Many things are going on beyond our five senses, so we learn to listen deeply to our intuition and tap into that bigger Source. This actually brings relief, freedom and new eyes to see the world. We can embrace life as a possibility and adventure!
- Have a Champion… Have a Coach!
Have you ever had someone in your life that holds no agenda for you besides what you yourself say you want? Have you ever been seen so deeply that is creates a feeling of empowerment you’ve never known before? Your coach is your packed house, your cheering crowd! It doesn’t mean your Coach isn’t honest with you–on the contrary, truthfulness is foundational. Your coach though will call you away from your inner and outer critics, and truly ‘get’ you. Having an objective sounding board, being acknowledged and championed just gives you more momentum for more success. Haven’t you always wanted to be in a relationship with someone who saw your best self, truly saw the most extraordinary you and would never let you forget that that’s who you are?
So, 7 unhealthy perspectives to fall into one way and 7 empowering reasons to choose another path–which one will you take? Which road takes you where you want to be; gives you what you want to feel and helps you create the life you’ve been longing for? Are you hearing the call to hire a coach and become the Sovereign of your Life? At this moment, what small action can you take that will begin the journey home to your True Self? Only you… the best You can do it!
Victoria FittsMilgrim is the owner of True Life Coaching & Retreats. She facilitates individual and group coaching and retreats. She also leads a program for authentic leadership for business professionals. Her designations include: Certified Professional Coach; Certified Authentic Leadership Coach; Certified Retreat Coach, to name a few. She has facilitated women’s groups for personal growth for 20 years.