Being Comfortable in you own Skin

October 13, 2020 Off By admin

Being Comfy in your Own Skin- Part I

Just go to any mall, coffee shop, or whole foods and take a look at all of the nervous energy people exude when they’re around strangers. This negative nervous energy oozes out every pore on their body and you can smell and see it a mile away. This is not attractive at all. In the same way dogs can size up a human and gauge whether or not they’re nervous and afraid of them, we humans have the same ability. It’s a negative energy and it’s not attractive! It turns people off and yes, even dogs.

I’m sure many of you out there have seen the film “Napoleon Dynamite”. If you have, then you’ll remember the character “Deb”. For those of who haven’t seen the film, “Deb” played the role of an immensely insecure, shy, and totally nervous teenage teenage girl. Well you know what, I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of Debs walking around in this world. Sadly, I see these so called “Debs” nervously standing in line at the coffee shop, in elevators, in the subway and the list goes on. And the obvious question is, “but why?” Why are people so insecure and lack confidence to the point where being in a social setting can be so unnerving?

Well, I think there are various reasons as to why there’s so many Debs out there. But I believe the one of the main reasons is that most people are not truly comfortable in their own skin. It’s funny, in the privacy of our own home, we may find ourselves singing to the lyrics to Right Said Fred’s- “I’m too sexy” while posing confidently in front of our bathroom mirror, but then once we turn off the song and leave the comfort of our own home, our alter-ego of “Deb” turns on. All of a sudden, we’re standing in line to purchase our tall caramel macchiato at Starbucks and our negative internal dialogue turns on auto pilot. Our insecurities re-emerge, our fears and paranoia surface consume our thoughts. Negative thoughts of “My nose is too big”, “my hair looks like shit”, or “why are they staring at me?” Meanwhile, this negative thinking affects our body language. Our arms are crossed, we’re biting our lips, our muscles are tense, our shoulders are stiff, we’re subconciously holding out breath, our fists are clenched, etc…

Man, most people are too damn hard on themselves. Let me share an experience I had with a total cutie, while we sat chit chatting at Starbucks a little over a year ago. Boy she was a cutie. She was half black and half Filipino and had the cutest damn little button nose. Shit, I must admit, I was a little jealous of her little nose. And during our conversation, I told her how cute I thought her nose was. And I will NEVER…EVER.. forget her response and reaction. To my dismay, she immediately covered her nose with her hand in embarrassment and proceeded to explain how much she hated her nose. Apparently it was TOO small. Go figure! But I was utterly flabbergasted with her shocking response. Lets think about it–how the heck could one person absolutely hate their nose, but another person find it totally cute? What’s going on here? To put it bluntly, these negative beliefs we have about our apparent shortcoming’s are total garbage. During our chit chat at Starbucks, I bet her insecurity about her nose came across her mind several times. And little did she know that I on the other hand, found her nose absolutely cute! And not only that, I was even a little envious. But I didn’t dwell on it. God Bless her.

So stop assuming what people may be thinking about you. Because I bet most of the time you’re dead wrong. How many times have you put together a wardrobe where you thought, “Damn, I can’t wait to wear this tomorrow” or “I’m going to be looking so fresh!”….but then the next day comes a long, and you’re totally stoked about wearing this new wardrobe and showing it off to the world. But the second you go out and put it on display for the whole world to see, you start doubting and second guessing yourself. Thoughts of, “Am I showing to much skin”, “why are those guys giving me a weird look” or “do I look too flashy” consume your thoughts. Enough! You’re playing head games with yourself and once again assuming what others are thinking about you. What are you, a mind reader? No!

Believe it or not, people are not as judgemental as we make them out to be. Most people are too absorbed in their own life. Their busy worrying about their own problems and the daily tasks in their own lives, such as stressing over work and school. We don’t live in a world where everyone is as superficial and judgemental as the annoying fashion critic of, Joan Rivers, on the red carpet. And thank goodness for that! Well, yall, I hope this blog at least made you think. I’ll be having part II and III in the days to come!

“You’re so money and you don’t even know it!” –


Hello Mi Gente! Well, for starters my name is, Derek. I recently graduated with a degree in Sociology from San Francisco State. The transformation of me as a person since childhood as been that of night and day. As a young boy, I was the shyest kid who always sat in the back of the class. I absolutely dreaded social settings, such as school, family reunions, and being around complete strangers. It was not a healthy way for a youngster to live. But after high school, I was determined to grab this shyness by the balls and transform my mindset, confidence, body language, with the assistance of tons of self-help books, meditation, and self-visualization. And now I’m at the point in my life where I want to help others who walk in the same shoes as I did.

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