How to build success through building relationshipsMay 28, 2019
The saying ‘ no man is an island’ is one that every wannabe successful person should commit to memory. Whether you like the company of others or not it is impossible to deny the importance that other people will have in your success. So much of our thinking is conditioned by how we want to be perceived by others. If follows then that much of our behaviour is similarly conditioned by how we want to be looked at. This is because success in life depends upon our relationships with others. Personal and financial success goes hand in hand with strongly developed social networks.
We strive for happiness with others yet so often we end up unhappy. There is no sadder example of this than in the rising levels of divorce and family breakup in the Western world today. So many marriages fail because people fail to adjust to the end of the’ honeymoon period’. Typically this starts to happen around three years into a marriage. The pre marriage promise of eternal happiness descends in to an anti climax. The fairy tale ending that was envisaged becomes seen as a deluded fantasy as day to day routine sets in. In addition, the rush of hormones that were felt so keenly in the first stages of the relationship begin to fade. As failure to adjust and accept the evolution of the relationship sets in petty arguments over trivial issues set in and become magnified.
If you want success in your relationships with others then you need to be prepared to adapt and change. If you were running a business that was losing money constantly you would, I hope, change your practices, you would look at your business in every detail to see what was going wrong. Why then do we pay so little attention to our relationships? Why is it that so many people expect things to just fall into their lap. The reason for this is naivety caused by an inability to look beyond that which we already believe we know to be true. As with most failures, it is because we failed to open our eyes to see the evident truth.
The naivety that we enter into relationships with is no surprise. An upbringing of romantic fairy tales, films and teachings from parents lead us to have an idealised conception of personal relationships. In addition to this we live in a world of people who expect instant gratification. All to often relationships and friendships fall apart because people do not have the patience to make them work. Don’t just take my word for it , numerous studies by psychologists have shown this to be the case. The fast food culture of modern society has now taken hold of the very things that should be the most important to us. The fact is that we should realise that attaining success in relationships is the same as with any other form of success personal or financial. It does not happen over night .
We have looked here at marriage and intimate relationships but some of the same principles apply in all relationships – business or pleasure. It is a very special person who is able to read in to the signals of others and react accordingly. Top sales people have it, top lawyers have it. This ability is linked to empathy. That is best described as the ability to understand the exact feelings at a given moment of another individual. The true expert in empathy is then able to command a situation without appearing to be over bearing . This empathy is communicated through words, gestures and mental signals. The way that these signal s are communicated is what brands you as an individual.
Communication is the key to any relationship. In fact the manner you choose to communicate is often the defining characteristic that people attach to your entire personality. It is why Gordon Ramsey is fixed in peoples minds for being an angry argumentative and forceful individual . It has made him very successful because he has effectively used his manner of communication to create a brand for himself that is instantly recognisable, honest, and for his audience entertaining. You must also think of your manner of communication as your own brand. How you want to decide to market yourself is up to you. Taking control over not only what you say but how you say it gives you the power to be the person you want to be, and how you appear to others. Who ever this is you must decide for yourself but take comfort from the fact that the power is yours.
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